December (and even November) can be pressure-filled, feeling obligated to catch up with everyone -- including people whose presence may be detrimental to our own well-being. 'Tis the season for family or chosen family, reunions, parties, stuffy dinners, and road trips. 'Tis the season for people-pleasing.
I received an email from one of our friends asking how to handle toxic people during the holidays. He has a family member who asks questions about his dating situation and then mocks his single status. These joy bandits are robbing him of his peace. Do you have that family member, friend, or coworker who has a mean streak reserved for occasions when everyone else feels festive
and fuzzy?
Or do you have that person who always makes you feel inadequate, treats you like a child even though you're 32, refuses to admit even an ounce of fault or wrongdoing, and gaslights you at every turn? Or perhaps you have a family member who wants all of the focus and attention on them -- and creates a scene when it's not all about them. To be honest, these people are toxic no matter what time of year it
is, and they are integrated into our lives whether in the community, family, or work.
You want to believe this person ... that he/she didn’t mean to do XYZ you. But how many times does a person need to hurt your feelings or screw you over until you say, “ENOUGH!”? If this person continually does something, is he/she going to change? NO. And the holidays aren't a free pass either.
These aren’t necessarily ‘bad’ people, but they are bad for each of us respectively. It’s okay to want more and expect more out of a relationship. Again, these toxic people aren’t necessarily ‘bad’ people, but you are collateral damage to their issues. You need to simply acknowledge that they are toxic and shut the door, even if it's the holidays.
Don’t ever ignore these RED
FLAGS
They make you feel bad about yourself — they spin it and make it about them, or it’s not as great as it is.
They can’t control their anger and rage — they get so upset and lash out, losing their mind.
They fight dirty — they go for the death punch and know your hot button (even if it’s not relevant to the conversation), knowing it will hurt you.
They always disappoint you — they don’t honor their word or have integrity. If they promise and don’t deliver, it’s a testament to their character, and they don’t respect you.
They are always negative — they are worried about everything, are unhappy, and think the worst case-scenario. There’s nothing worse than being around a pessimistic person.
They can never apologize or admit they are wrong — they won’t say they’re sorry. They never take ownership and will make excuses.
They are super self-centered — it’s all about them, and they are only focused on themselves. They think that the world revolves around them, and they always talk about themselves (aka narcissistic).
They are incredibly judgemental — they talk trash and point fingers. They are always bitching, complaining, and pointing out everyone’s flaws. They’re talking about you too.
They can’t take any type of criticism — they can dish it out, but they can’t take it. They can’t even handle accepting feedback. They never change.
They don’t want the best for you — they love it when bad things happen to you and revel in your misery. That’s not normal. You need to surround yourself with people who love you. So, get the toxic people out of your life, whether dating, friends, or
family.
You and I deserve nothing but the best. We need to be around those who love us, encourage us, and lift us up. If someone in your life is dragging you down, shut the door and love yourself enough to say ‘no, you don’t get to treat me that way.' Remember, they won’t change, and they won’t be the person you wish them to be.
Sometimes this toxic person may be super close to you – you still have to determine how to remove the toxic energy, which may mean a big decision. But, for you to be emotionally stable and happy, you can't be around people who make you feel bad about yourself. Invest in and embrace relationships that are supportive and encouraging. Negative people need to get out of your
life.
If you have someone like this in your life, where you are giving more than you are receiving, remove them. It takes willpower not to give them another chance to patch things up, but you have to be honest with yourself to realize the person really isn’t your
friend.
When you identify toxic losers (friends, family members, boss, or coworkers) in your life, you may not be able to immediately remove them. Still, you can gradually reduce contact and spend less time with them. With a boss, you may need to find another job. With friends, try spending time with more productive and positive people. Eliminate the toxic people in your life and spend time with
people who are uplifting, motivated, positive, and make you feel good about yourself. You will be amazed at how great you feel about yourself and how productive & successful you will become.
You have one life — make sure the people you invest in are doing the same with you. Not everyone is right for you — run from toxic people because you deserve better. And regarding the holidays, focusing on others, your own self-care, and hanging around positive people so you can survive (and even thrive) through the
holidays!
Alpha M. POST of the
WEEK
Don’t let anyone else decide or approve your style choices for you. Dare to be an individual with a mind of your own. I love you all.
This post came from Alpha M. Consulting Facebook group which features all types of engagement- from fitness and style, to grooming and dating. Want to be part of the action? We'd love to have you. Join in the conversation ALPHA M. FACEBOOK
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