Is it just me, or has this pandemic and the change with how we socialize gotten you nervous and a bit self-conscious with social encounters? When the pandemic hit more almost two years ago, staying home and limiting social interaction were recommended and sometimes mandated. Forced to physically distance from family and friends, many of us spent the last two years with video calls becoming the
primary means of socializing. As restrictions have been loosened, we have been excited about reconnecting with friends and family. Still, some are feeling a strange uneasiness about returning to social situations.
"Our ability to adjust is a double-edged sword because now that we're used to isolating so much, it's going to be yet another transition to engage with others socially in person again, both indoors and outdoors," states Paraskevi Noulas, PsyD, a psychologist at NYU Langone Health.
I know it's not just me that it's been happening to. Despite socializing less, many people are stressing more about connecting -- even those who generally describe themselves as extroverted. Butterflies and anxiety are totally normal, anytime. But now that the world has flipped around on us with this pandemic. We've been out of our 'normal,' and social jitters may have kicked in, giving us a
bit of butterflies when getting together for socializing. Experts say it's normal to feel uneasy and have some bit of social dysfunction after living through the pandemic.
Social anxiety may have different degrees of severity for different people – butterflies to self-conscious to absolute fear of embarrassing ourselves or being judged harshly. Meeting new people, being the center of attention, making small talk, public speaking, or being called out in a meeting are all triggers. People can also be triggered by eating in public, going on a date, or even using a
public restroom (who likes using a public restroom anyway?).
Social anxiety is a dread of embarrassing yourself or being scrutinized intensely. You know in your rational mind that people aren't as harsh as you think or feel they'll be. But certain situations (and now a prolonged pandemic) can trigger this fear and apprehension. Social anxiety may be so intense that it prevents people from going places and doing things due to uncomfortable feelings.
Social anxiety can limit happiness and the ability to have great times with good people.
Okay, most people get nervous by getting up in front of an audience or being around new people at a party doesn't necessarily mean you have social anxiety. However, if you avoid situations because of uneasiness, you have to do something about it.
As I said earlier, social anxiety has varying degrees from mild to intense. If you worry intensely leading up to a specific event (days, weeks, or even a month), you may be experiencing some social anxiety. Or, if you feel like you are constantly being judged or being picked apart, you may also be experiencing social anxiety. So, how can we get back out and about socially after the pandemic
has flipped our social world upside down?
Whether you are experiencing challenges with social situations, test your negative thoughts (fear you'll say something stupid, be boring, or embarrass yourself). Don't accept them. The next time your thoughts trend toward negative assumptions ("I'm going to say something stupid."), try deliberately turning your mind back to objective reality instead of trying to predict another person's
thoughts.
Along with challenging the negative thoughts, face your fear. If you never go out because you're scared to interact with people, meet people, or talk to others, you are simply avoiding these situations. You have to be willing to be uncomfortable and feel awkward for a bit. You may feel like running away, but you have to face the fear. If you never do anything, you'll never get better.
Also, move away from how you perceive others perceiving you to focusing on a higher purpose, such as offering kindness. When you do so, you'll free yourself up to make connections.
Next, try increasing your exposure slowly in three areas: the number of engagements, group size, and time per engagement.
You can reintegrate or get adjusted to social situations by engaging once weekly, starting with small groups, and staying for 10 minutes for your first outing.
Try 20 minutes, staying a little longer each time.
Incrementally increase the size of the groups.
Increase the number of engagements per month.
Over time, you will learn that you can do it and gain confidence that nothing wrong will happen.
You deserve to have rewarding interpersonal relationships and experience life enjoyably. If your social anxiety is getting the best of you, take action and work through it. It can be tricky, but if you take the first step, I'm sure you'll be impressed with the way you respond. Remember that the people we want in our lives will accept us if we accept ourselves. And if ever there was a
time for nourishing connections, it's now.
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