Men are suffering a steep decline in friendships, and social circles are also reducing. 15% of American men have no close friends, reports a 2021 Survey Center of American Life survey. That percentage was 3% in the 90s! What has happened? Why are men experiencing a lack of meaningful
friendships?
Men have always been pretty bad at friendships, to start with. Men are hesitant to open up or have preconceived notions of success & power that they can't overcome, which interfere with forming and maintaining meaningful friendships. Men can also be pretty homophobic, which is a deterrent to closeness and fellowship. Men are expected to be tough, independent, stoic, rational, and dominant. Where does that leave men when it comes to friendships?
So, let's get to the bottom of what is causing the decline in men's friendships. The factors are marrying later in life, spending more time with their kids, working longer hours, changing jobs, and being plugged into technology. Given all of these barriers, meaningful friendships should be nurtured and cherished. Take an inventory of your friends who you have remained in contact with over the years. Maintaining friendships now, more than ever, can be difficult.
The truth is that I've only actually remained friends with one person from high school and about two people in college. When I define ‘friendship’ regarding these people, I'm talking about being 'good' friends that connect & talk at least once a month. Social media has taken away the reason
to actually call people because you can scroll to see what they're doing, which can give you a false sense of being friends with a lot of people. I do have many of those 'Facebook type' friends, but I'm talking about really good, true friends. So, why have I stopped being friends with so many of these high school and college friends?
When I honestly assess these situations, we didn't have as much (if anything) in common anymore ... and that's okay. It doesn't mean that you're not ‘friends’; it simply means you're not really ‘good' friends anymore. The people I surround myself with now represent my current morals, values, and
ethics.
I genuinely feel that the people with which you surround yourself are a direct reflection of who you are. Nowadays, my buddies tend to be older than me, and perhaps I get along with them so well because I'm an old soul. I'm not quite sure, but I am positive they are super solid
individuals. They would do anything for me, and reciprocally, I would do anything for them. They're not jerks, and they're just honest-to-goodness quality men. That is who I choose to surround myself with.
So many times, I see really nice people with friends that are jerks and assholes. You know how the old saying goes about the company you keep: “Tell me about the company you keep, and I will tell you what you are.” An important point here is that you're not elevating their presence;
they're bringing you down to their level.
Even if you're the greatest guy in the world, if you're surrounded by a bunch of morons, criminals, crooks, or jerks, you're not bringing them up. They're bringing you down to their level, outsiders will associate you with them, and you will be considered equal caliber to them. They
obviously think that you share beliefs and have similar feelings.
Obviously, you shouldn't just abruptly stop associating with friends full-stop. Still, you need to ultimately choose because friends are a choice. The people you associate with and the people you consider your friends are your choice. And as alpha men, we need to really take inventory of
the people we surround ourselves with. Take stock and after you do, keep in mind that people view you the way they view your friends. If your friends are not living a life that is in line with how you think and feel, it might be time to break ties.
Recognizing that mutually beneficial and meaningful friendships are demanding but essential to cultivate and nurture is crucial. Men need friends to depend on, share with, help out, and experience life. In today's climate, the quest to add friends to your life may be more challenging, but the effort will be worth it when you find a meaningful friendship or two.
Get out of your house, get out of your head, join an event or group, reconnect with old friends, find others with similar interests, say 'yes' more, open up to new experiences, and be consistent. Those powerful moments happen when we interact often, become more familiar, and grow more comfortable.
Alpha M. POST of the
WEEK
I want to share my progress that I have made over the years. I went through a heartbreak a few years ago and snapped out of it by hitting the gym and focusing on my career. I have dropped 30lbs, gained muscle, and have moved up to management at work! For all you guys going through a hard
time, keep pushing forward!
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