Is farting in an elevator the key to making friends?
Published: Sat, 06/25/22
Is farting in an elevator the key to making
friends?
Well, yes, but indirectly. But before I go into more detail about that, I want to start off about the state of men and their friendships. Through the emails I receive and the contacts I've made via various networking events and more, I have drawn some conclusions:
Meeting and making new friends as an adult male can be difficult and awkward.
Meeting and making new friends seems perplexing and seemingly coincidental rather than understood and purposeful.
Many and more friends isn't the goal as much as having deeper, more intimate friendships, ones you can love.
Men reminisce about high school and college friends, yearning for experiences like that again.
Adult men have the fewest friendships per all demographics, which is depressing AND detrimental. Why? Friends (aka confidantes) are critical to a man's health and well-being. But men journey through life with their guard up and without the proper skills. Men haven't necessarily had the chance to practice sharing their
authentic and vulnerable selves, and without this practice, friendship connections and bonds are extremely challenging to develop.
Every man can create friendship connections and bonds, and when this happens, a friendship that is well maintained can be mutually happy and healthy. To create these friendships, you must be willing to be uncomfortable and put yourself in awkward situations. You have to be ready to be
rejected (I talk about the fear of failure all the time as well as living regrets). "Rejection only stings for a second but regret lasts a lifetime" is what I always say.
But here's the thing -- men do uncomfortable and awkward things all the time. Think: adjusting yourself in public, catcalling, farting in an elevator, and blowing your nose in the shower. So, being uncomfortable and awkward is an ordinary trait for men; therefore, simply convert it to social and emotional health.
Be yourself!
We want authenticity from each other, so be the brave one and put yourself out there.
Having your guard down will motivate others to put theirs down. Be authentic, frank, and brave. Be you!
So when you meet new people, be genuinely interested. Start looking at people as fascinating stories because everyone has one. It's your job to get their story uncovered -- the substance beneath the surface. And if you start thinking about people in this way and actually
interact with them accordingly, you're going to be amazed at how your people skills will improve instantaneously. Now, you're certainly not going to like everybody, but as my grandfather said, you CAN get along with anybody you WANT to get along with.
When you meet somebody new, go into the interaction with the attitude that you're already friends. Have you ever heard the saying, “He's never met a stranger”? This mindset is what I'm talking about. Go into every interaction as if you already know the person. Talk to them in
that manner, and make sure you do it with a smile.
By smiling, you are instantly engaging an individual and bringing them into your world in a friendly and warm way. A smile is quick, easy, and free. And the best of all, smiles make people feel good.
Compliments also make people feel good, so give compliments freely. When somebody gives you a compliment, you immediately like them better. The same is true for the reverse. Practice giving compliments, but also practice receiving compliments. Don't just brush them off;
instead, respond with a ‘thank you’. When you give a compliment, your value instantly raises.
Poking fun at others, on the other hand, will not raise your value. It’s never cool. However, the ability to laugh and poke fun at yourself is a great way to show that you're comfortable in your own skin, you have a good sense of humor, and you are well-grounded. Just don't go overboard
or else you'll look like you're insecure or fishing for compliments.
When interacting with others, make sure that you learn to listen. When you learn to listen, you will be amazed at what you actually hear. Yes, there’s a significant difference between listening to someone and actually hearing him. Sometimes listening actually means
paying attention to things that aren't being said, which includes body language.
Listening is a kind act. Which brings me to the point: treat all people with kindness and respect. I know this sounds like a no-brainer, but if you don't hear or listen to anything else that I say, I hope you listen to this and take it to heart. BE KIND AND RESPECTFUL. If you treat
people better, the depth and quality of your relationships will also be better. Tragically, as society gets busier and people get more wrapped-up in our own worlds, the core principles of being good people fall by the wayside.
I see such horrible stories about different travesties all over the world, and it seems like people are being desensitized to it. What brings me to tears every single time is when I see selfless acts of genuine kindness. We need to start treating each other better. I am telling you it is
so vital to our successes individuals and the ability for us to be, yes charming, but treat people with respect and kindness. These tools are powerful if you choose to use them.
Men want intimacy in their friendships like women desire in their friendships; however, men aren’t getting the same level or type of intimacy. This intimacy is defined as emotional support, disclosure, and having someone to take care of them. Just like women, a man's friendship
satisfaction is directly correlated with the self-disclosure level. Gentlemen, it's time to man up and make some friends. And I’m not saying it’s easy, but there’s every reason in the world to make friendship a priority.
Being a good partner is solid alpha material!
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