Silence that little voice in the back of your mind

Published: Sat, 10/15/22

Society has historically put pressure on women, but women's rights movements have changed some of that pressure, liberating women to a degree. In the name of insecurities, men need some of this liberation too. For instance, men need to be liberated from the notion that they must always be strong, push down their emotions, bear financial weight, and be the primary source of income. The bottom line is that men need reassurance that their insecurities are (1) not real and (2) important.

Think about how insecurities can wreck you as a man. If you are pleasing others to gain approval, you are diluting yourself. If you aim to be perfect, you disrupt your ability to grow and adapt, and your sense of adventure is squashed. If your inner voice keeps telling you that no one understands or likes you, this inner voice isolates you, creating loneliness.

If you don't believe you are good enough, you will distance yourself from those who actually think you are. Insecurity breeds hypersensitivity, which twists relationships with mistrust and doubt. No matter how you stack it up, insecurity is destructive. By comparing yourself to others, you can become bitter and annoyed for what you don't have rather than appreciating what you do have. Most importantly, insecurity makes you think others are fixed on your perceived inadequacies. But these other people are actually worried about their own perceived deficiencies.

The interesting thing about insecurities, though, is that they're invisible. They're only visible to the person who actually has them. Every single person in the universe's history has struggled with insecurities from time to time. Everybody has insecurities.

I have them. We all have them -- insecurities. To be honest, I'm insecure about a lot of things. Growing up, I was insecure about everything from the money my family didn't have to the clothes I wore to everything in between. As I've gotten older, some insecurities have improved, but putting myself on YouTube has exacerbated other insecurities.

I am generally super confident, but confidence does not necessarily correlate to insecurities. You can be incredibly confident in your daily life and most things that you do but still have these insecurities -- these little voices in the back of your head saying you're not good enough, you're not smart enough, you don't have enough money, you're not tall enough, you're not good-looking enough. And it sucks!

Every man possesses insecurities; however, letting those insecurities overpower you will have an adverse effect on your life. I think a common male insecurity is a fear that we are not living up to society's demands. We don't make enough money, we're not fit enough, we aren't handsome enough, we aren't intelligent enough. But think about this – how is 'enough' defined?

Men compare themselves to other men, which may seem natural due to being competitive by nature, but constant comparing can be damaging. Comparing ourselves to others can make us perceive fake inadequacies, robbing us of confidence and happiness. This reduced confidence and happiness can be detrimental in social situations, jobs, and relationships.

We are who we are – we all have value. Treat yourself with kindness and stop concerning yourself with others' accomplishments. Sure, comparison can be beneficial in some situations, such as helping us improve and grow, but often the comparisons tear us down by creating fake insecurities from these perceptions.

We will always have people around us who have achieved more, and rather than perceiving them as unfavorable, look at them as a trainer or instructor. As I have always said, surround yourself with people better and more intelligent than yourself. They can lift you up and help you learn by example. Surround yourself with positive people that make you feel good about yourself. Positivity is contagious… so is negativity. Which do you want?

Men can be insecure about their popularity with the opposite (or preferred) gender. Some men boast about how much sex they have with hot women, and then other men see this as a standard to achieve; thus, feeling insecure because they aren't matching up with the amount of sex and the woman's hotness. You know what? Have a 'so what' attitude. You don't know how sex is with these so-called hot women. The sex could actually be awful and not worth the effort and drama.

When men are around men who are in better shape or more attractive, insecurities may pop up. This, gentlemen, is a simple fix. Go for a walk or run daily. Do push-ups, crunches, curls, and other exercises at home. Simply work on one cardio activity + two weight-bearing exercises daily. You will not only look better but also feel better and exude more confidence. What other men look like around you won't be the predominant focus anymore. So, if you're insecure about something you can change, change it. I take care of my body physically, which makes me feel incredible – and it will make you feel incredible too.

Men have insecurities about their careers, and they feel stuck. Comparing themselves to others only makes matters worse. Some men may ultimately label themselves as a loser, unable to make a change in their careers. Don't let a temporary situation create something more permanent. Get out of that mindset by strategically making moves to change careers, go after your dreams, and find an intrinsically and possibly even an extrinsically rewarding job.

You are not the only person who feels like you are not enough. But remember this. You are just fine the way you are. Work hard, resisting your inner voice that suggests you are not enough. The misconceptions that insecurity creates ultimately compromise your confidence and happiness. Build and boost your self-esteem by volunteering and helping others. Do something kind for someone, not because you'll get anything in return, but simply because of the feeling you'll get.

Realize that you're not alone because everybody struggles with feelings of insecurity from time to time. I am no exception. Don't compare yourself to others or what others are doing. The only person you need to worry about is yourself and making you the best you can be. Don't get caught up in thinking you need things or material this-or-that. It's about YOU and the good that you bring into the world. Thank you for bringing good to me and my world!

Alpha M. POST of the WEEK

Finally wore the suit to the wedding where met this beautiful woman at the reception and spent all night talking drinking and dancing with her.

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