The friend zone refers to a platonic relationship where one person wants to get freaky while the other person doesn't -- there are mix-matched romantic or sexual expectations. Have you ever heard the phrase, “But I don't want to ruin what we have” or “You're like a brother to me”? This unfortunately is code for “I think you're a cool dude that I'm not sexually attracted
to.”
First, can men and women be just friends? In some cases, the answer is yes. A friendship between a man and a woman needs two people who have the same friendship goals, and the goals need to be communicated clearly and understood. Here are some famous platonic best friends:
But in some cases, the answer is no -- a man and a woman cannot be friends because only one of them wants more, creating an unequal friend zone in which one person's needs are satisfied at the other's expense.
If you get friend zoned, does this mean that you're not a good looking dude? No, it does not. Does it mean no one will ever find you totally & irresistibly attractive? Absolutely not. This simply means that this specific person doesn't want to have intimate relations with you.
This can be a tough pill to swallow, and the reality is that you may not want to accept how she doesn't want a piece of you. Instead of accepting the fact, you could end up hanging-on for months (or years) while losing viable dating time. Also being hung-up on someone who doesn't reciprocate your feelings is not a healthy situation.
Get out of the zone -- the friend zone. The fact is: if the woman views you as a friend and is not attracted to you, there is nothing you can do about it. The sooner you accept that reality and move on, the better off you're going to be because the alternative is not rosy. The best you can hope for is a drunken kiss after a night of her sobbing and talking your ear off because some asshole
just broke her heart. Unfortunately, this kiss or hook-up will only deepen your frustration and angst because the next day she'll regret the kiss and feel even more terrible about herself which will cause her to avoid you like the plague. You will misread this drunken hook-up and be even further devastated when she stops returning your calls and text messages.
Ryan is a bit off base here. Typically someone is friend zoned when they want to take their relationship past friendship into dating. So if you are 'dating', the relationship already progressed past a friendship and into a more intimate relationship; and therefore, saying "the friend
zone is like the penalty box of dating" is a bit misleading. Somewhere you asked her out, she said 'yes', and then you proceeded to go on dates. So if she's changed her mind about dating you, she's breaking-up with you because you're no longer dating.
Play your cards right, gentlemen. Does this mean that having attractive friends that you would sleep with but they wouldn't sleep with you is a bad thing? No. It's actually a good thing because attractive friends have attractive friends, and the more that you hang-out, stick around, be cool (and NOT creepy weird), the higher the likelihood that you're actually going to be
able to mix-and-mingle and then meet her attractive friends.
Once you realize this person you like is not ultimately going to reciprocate your romantic feelings, you can still be friends and hang-out... but don't be pathetic. You must maintain your dignity and self-respect -- so make an effort to go out and meet somebody that will reciprocate your romantic feelings because nothing says unsexy & unappealing more than a guy that just doesn't get it and won’t take no for an answer.
You're going to know pretty early in the relationship whether it's going to end-up in a romantic scenario or not. And if you have enough friends, it's time to move on to the next. Remember it's a numbers game being in the friend zone. It sucks, but it sucks worse when you don't accept it for what it is. Acknowledge the fact that this person is not going to be interested in sleeping with you in
this lifetime and move on.
But it's okay. Instead get out there and find the one who is interested.
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