Her floating PICKLE POOP and THAT STUNK! 💩

Published: Sat, 11/07/20

Her floating PICKLE POOP and THAT STUNK! 💩

It's storytime! Before I met my wife, I was internet dating and met this girl, which we went out three or four times. On what would be our last date, I arrived to pick her up needing to take a pee. When I asked to use her bathroom, she gave me one excuse after another why I couldn't go in to use her bathroom. I insisted that I would only be a second -- and finally, she caved.

When I entered her bathroom, the reason she didn't want me to use her bathroom hit me directly in the face-- it was so disgusting! The smell was fresh and warm -- and it flat-out stunk. I tried to keep in mind that everybody craps, and that I needed to stay cool about it. No big deal, right? Just go to the bathroom; she's probably already embarrassed enough.

Well, that's when I flipped up the toilet seat and saw this little green turd. Looking like a pickle, it bobbed in the water. As if the smell wasn't bad enough, this visual of that little green turd pickle totally turned me off. It was a deal-breaker, and I broke up with her two days later.

Was I shallow? Maybe, as I realize that everybody has to drop a deuce. But the fact is, it was just there in my face! The combination of the smell and the floating pickle poo totally turned me off. Well, in an attempt to help you not disgust your romantic partner OR roommate, I'm going over four pooping aspects that you CAN control.

How to poop without letting them know!

First, here are some tips on how to control the NOISE. You have a few options. (1) Some guys like to run the water and/or run the exhaust fan. Turn them on and let them run. Background noise drowns out your terrible toots. Unfortunately, it will not cover all of the pooping noise in every situation. (2) A better option is to try and time it. If you're going to have some explosive gas, execute a courtesy flush at the same time. (3) The next option is to ask (shout) a question. Typically she's going to be in the other room, so you will have to yell. So this opportunity is perfect timing to yell and make your soiling sounds at the same time. Once you've covered your noises with your yelling, you can tell her 'never mind'.

Next, you can control the GRAPHIC EVIDENCE. Your pooping may have left some skid marks because sometimes those little bastards are tough dudes. You can flush like five times, and those pesky skid marks just don't go away. (1) One solution is to flush, and when the water goes down, use some toilet paper to wipe out the bowl. Make sure to wash your hands really well after this. But if you think we must be a better way, there is. (2) Pre-pooping preparation involves taking a little bit of toilet paper, folding it up, and then placing the toilet paper in the bottom of the bowl. Boom! Your poop will hit the toilet paper, preventing the poop from hitting the porcelain.

The third aspect you can control is the SMELL. Sure, you try to cover the offensive odor with some sort of spray that's been left in the bathroom ranging from perfume to Lysol to air freshener. Perfume poop anyone!? But of all my years of analysis and research, I've only come up with one sure file solution to PREVENT odor from happening, and that is with a toilet spray. You've probably heard one of them advertised on TV. My company Pete & Pedro sells a kick-ass version, Deuce.

Here's how the toilet sprays work: If you suddenly feel the rumble in the jungle, grab the toilet spray and flip-up the toilet seat. Spray it three times and then sit down to do your business. As the turd splashes down, the oils' agitation traps all the odor so it can't escape. The oil also produces a light mist to create an aroma that is not too overpowering. Pete & Pedro's contains oils like thyme, lemon, and peppermint -- it's mild, so nobody knows you took a crap.

One last thing that you need in the bathroom is a PACK OF WET WIPES. They are essential! Wipes or pre-moistened, flushable, and damp for more effective & efficient wiping. They are incredible and can be found practically anywhere. You can hide them in a cool box in the back of your toilet, and you can even purchase & take with you travel size. You'll feel clean and fresh, the closest thing to showering after taking a poop.

The bottom line is to figure out a time to use the bathroom without feeling rushed. Using a fan or running the water can make you feel more at ease, and you can use products to make you feel more comfortable about going to the bathroom. You definitely should poop. We're human! It's natural.

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