I want to talk about dealing with demons, because I've had to deal with a lot of mine. I am continuously battling them, and you should be battling yours as well. We all have them, and if you don't deal with them, they could potentially ruin your life.
Mental health is something not talked about enough, and a lot of times, we sweep it under the rug because it’s not necessarily a comfortable topic. As men, I think we really don’t discuss it because there’s still a bit of stigma around it – aka weakness. Men think that asking for help is a sign of weakness – that we as men should be able to handle our own shit.
This quote is what I chose to represent me in my senior yearbook. I was at a point in my life where there was a lot going on with me personally, and it was easier for me just to wear a smile, put on a happy face, and be the likeable happy guy as opposed to actually being honest with people and telling them what was going on with me. I had a lot of demons from the turmoil I faced.
Life events happen to us to form who we are. Some are good, such as the biggest hardships we've overcome, the way we’ve lived our lives, and the unique experiences that have made us into the strong, amazing, and beautiful people we are. But some are not so good, and these are what I consider demons.
They’re the things that happen to us that develop us in a negative way and are the hardest to get over. They affect us at a deep level. We can compartmentalize them, and even admit that we're smart enough to understand what happened, but they’ll pop back out when you least expect them.
A lot of times these demons manifest themselves in lots of different areas and aspects of our life, and if we aren't strong and brave enough to deal with them head-on, they could potentially ruin your life. Honestly I made a decision years ago that I was choosing happiness over anger, hostility, and demons. Here’s how and where that journey started.
I was three years old when I went to my first therapist. My super progressive mom found a hospital in Philly that offered free counseling to children of separated and divorced parents. We were poor and on welfare, but she made damn sure I was going to therapy. So there I was at three years old, sitting there talking to a therapist. I picture myself as a very mature three year old, having
conversations about the emotional effects of my parents not being together and living in different homes.
Fast forward about 10 to 15 years, and I stopped talking. I shut down and didn’t want to talk. I didn’t even want to talk to my mom. I was angry at this point because I had been through a few step-fathers who were emotionally abusive toward me. The second step-father really took
his toll on me because that was when I lost my ability to stand up for myself. I was so busy trying not to rock the boat and not to upset anyone because I just wanted a place to live and I didn’t want to move schools or homes again – so I just shut up and didn’t talk.
I harbored incredible anxiety, anger, and resentment toward my mom for putting me into that position. I went off to college and was still super pissed, and as a result, I had a tough time dealing with certain circumstances. It was a dark time for me – a bit depressed, experimenting with drugs, and blacking out drunk. I was self-medicating and numbing the hurt & feelings of abandonment.
At his point, my mom left my second step-father, and I graduated from college and moved to Atlanta, GA with my girlfriend of four years who was battling with depression. She was pretty bad off but finally went to the doctor who prescribed medication. I made sure her needs were met and that she was okay, and in the process, my own needs weren’t met. So, I never got healthy or right in my own head.
Thereafter, I met a guy with whom I open a nutrition store. Right away, I started being taken advantage of and treated poorly. I couldn’t stand up for myself, and there I was, once again, miserable. I was miserable because my girlfriend wasn’t really happy, I wasn’t happy with my job, and I wasn’t happy with my mom. I was super angry!
At this point, I made the decision that I needed somebody to talk to. So I sought out counseling with a therapist. This therapist helped me realize my value and worth as well as helped me to find my voice again. It was one of the best gifts I ever gave myself. It was me deciding that despite all the shitty stuff that’s happening to me and despite all that happened in my childhood, I deserved to be happy.
Well, I am here to tell you that we are not equipped to handle a lot of the demons that we have, and it’s perfectly okay to ask for help. It’s not only okay, but people who seek help to deal with their issues are so freakin’ strong and brave (they CHOOSE to be happy as opposed to being HELD DOWN to the shit that's happened to them)! They're the ones that succeed in this
world.
In the video "Men and Mental Health" below, click to hear about some of my low points as well as how my friend Paul's perspective of mental health and how it's changed over the years. This video will hopefully give you some practical tips and support for your mental health.
If you're struggling and you've got demons that you simply cannot deal with that are preventing you from living a happy healthy life, I strongly suggest talking to a therapist. They are a tool that you can utilize to help you be better – and there’s nothing weak about seeking help. There are different therapists out there -- but they are not all great nor are they all right for you. What might
work for me might not work for you. And it’s okay. You have to try different ones to find the right one because you deserve to be happy.
I consider myself pretty awesome at life, but I am definitely not awesome when dealing with my demons on my own. It’s taken choosing to be happy and seeking help to take control. I implore you to choose to be happy -- and seek help if you need it.
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Just got another fresh cut and beard trim. Going on a date later tonight. It’s on and poppin.
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