People who spread rumors, gossip, and secrets just want attention and approval. They are vicious, bored bullies with nothing useful in their own lives, so they feel compelled to tear down the lives of others. Be the person that squashes shit; don't be the one that spreads it. There's nothing good about spreading possible misinformation about others as it's not going to fix anything or change
what may or may not have happened with the person. Then talk to the person spreading rumors or sharing secrets because it ISN'T cool or cute.
Secrets and rumors are juicy and make the people holding them feel like they have something important to say. And those who end up hearing the rumor or secret from the gossiper feel special. In other words, both the person spreading the rumor and the person being told the rumor ends up feeling like they belong to a 'special club'. They both ‘benefit’ by feeling rewarded by spreading the rumor and by listening.
The person being hurt is neither one of those two, so no one involved feels any pain (at least at first).
This scenario demonstrates why you have to be a very strong person not to spread rumors or tell secrets. But there is satisfaction in knowing that you are a better person by being the place where the rumors stop and secrets are safe.
At any given time, we keep an average of 17 secrets — not our own but secrets that have been confided in us. Interestingly, secrets are classified into 38 different types that range from involving other people (for example, theft or infidelity) to exclusively personal secrets (for example, negative health diagnosis). So, can you keep a secret, or do you find it challenging to hold your
tongue?
I'm a good secret keeper, but there are a lot of people that aren't. It comes down to gossip and spreading rumors. And with that, I would like you to think about something for a little bit. If you are guilty of gossiping, and we all are at times, what good does that do anybody? No good, right? If someone tells you a secret and you end up talking about it with other people, how would that someone feel? The same way you would feel if that someone did that to you. NOT
GOOD.
DON'T SMACK TALK I think we've all been there where we've told somebody something in confidence, where the secret was promised to be kept. Later, you find out through the grapevine that your secret was told. Trust was broken, and you feel betrayed. As a result, you will most likely move on from this
person.
So, how do you know if someone can be trusted with your secret? Knowing for sure isn’t possible, but you can evaluate the person's trustworthiness with which you'd like to share your sensitive information. Judge how likely a specific person will tell someone that matters: how likely that person will pass the secret along to someone (1) whom the secret pertains to or (2) whom the secret
directly affects.
DON'T GIVE THEM SOMETHING TO TALK ABOUT Let your intuition lead the way. If you're questioning whether that person will keep your secret, then it’s best not to share. But, if you feel confident that the person can keep your secret, (1) impress upon him/her the importance of keeping the information private and (2) directly ask the person if he/she can keep a secret for you. Thereafter you can
lay-out exactly why you need the secret not to be shared. After that, the decision to lock-up the secret & throw away the key is in their hands because you let the cat out of the bag. You've lost control of the secret.
Secrets are called secrets for some reason, right? They are meant to keep inside you until it is a matter of life or death to spill the beans. Secrets are better kept inside your personal pocket as they can turn quite messy if handed over to others. They can change your life upside down and be a bit dangerous in the future
also.
Bottom line, don’t surround yourself with people that gossip – it’s toxic and like cancer – and don’t share information that can come back to hurt you. Further, these secrets about your personal life should never be shared: extra-relational thoughts, sexual behavior, lies, romantic desires, violations of trust, theft, emotional infidelity, family details, and financial secrets.
MAINTAIN YOUR INTEGRITY Integrity means following your moral or ethical convictions and doing the right thing in all circumstances, even if no one is watching you. Having integrity means you are true to yourself and would do nothing that demeans or dishonors you. Gentlemen, we need to do better if somebody tells us something in confidence. And if we’re told something in confidence,
KEEP THAT SECRET. And don't gossip, spread rumors, or talk smack.
If you’re engaged in a complex discussion, keeping track of what you’re allowed to say and what you aren’t may be difficult. So if the person doesn't explicitly tell you not to repeat information shared, be respectful and follow your instincts. Above all, respect the other person and his/her privacy.
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